Thursday, July 24, 2008

Prom Night: Review

This film is bullshit. I actually enjoyed watching those kids die. I'll be even happier watching the filmmakers die in real life.
Prom Night is a remake of a 1980's slasher film whereby there's this girl who has a teacher that's obsessed with her to the point where he kills her whole family to get to her.So he goes to jail and escapes 3 years later to finish the job when she's on her prom night.
Any movie that has Johnathon Schaech as a bad guy is automatically a piece of shit film. I am a huge fan of this guy, he was in one of the greatest undiscovered films of the 21st Century, Sea of Dreams. And now here he is playing a psycho killer who I'm not even scared of and quite honestly.. I'm actually rooting for the killer.
Did they really expect me to like the main character of this movie? These people are some of the most obnoxious teenagers ever. They're the kind of people who bullied me in high school. And here they are going to prom in their limousine all dressed  in their expensive designer gowns and jewelery. I hated these characters. So when Johnathon Schaech kills Jessica Stoup.. I just went, " GHEAH!"
And we have Brittany Snow from Hairspray who's playing this girl who is apparently so beautiful that Johnathon Schaech kills her entire family just to get to her. I mean, Brittany Snow is hot and all, but I'm looking at her and I'm thinking ain't no one is ever going to kill for this piece of ass. hell no ones even going to stop playing World of Warcraft to take her shopping. They really expect me to believe that this girl is worth dying for? Bullshit.
And whats up with all the police in this film? They have gotta be the dumbest police I have ever seen. I mean, there are practically hundreds of them swarming this hotel looking for the killer and he is able to get out scott free and not a single one of them notices at all.But then again, it is Johnathon Schaech and he is awesomeness!
And for a slasher film, there isn't much slashing in this. We see the killer like stabbing people and slashing them ans stuff but there is hardy any blood and most of the violent parts happened off screen. And when they finally find the bodies, they have like small little paper cuts smeared with some tomato sauce. It was like watching Final Destination without all the violence and gore. Borefest!
What they should have done is make a slasher film where we have Johnathon Schaech going around with a killer tiara and start stabbing girls in the eyeballs and slashing the boys in the nuts. Now that would be a good movie!

RATING: 3/10

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