Friday, July 11, 2008

Journey To The Centre of The Earth: Review

You know.. when you have a movie that can't even get the spelling of CENTRE right in the title, you know this is going to be a shitty film.
Okay so this movies is based on the 1960 film and it's about Brendan Fraser who's this scientist guy who has had a brother disappear while on  expedition. And while going through some of his brother's old things, he comes across the book Journey To The Centre of The Earth and finds that his brother has left clues in there on how to find the place. And that is where the story development of the movie ends.
From that point on, all we get from this movie is just one big amusement park ride. We have these people riding down a mine shaft,they see some giant mushrooms and shiny birds, they start battling giant piranhas, they fight giant killer plants, they get chased by T-Rex and then the movie becomes a video game where the kid from Bridge To Terabithia starts jumping over these floating magnetic rocks like it was Super Mario.
Now you're reading this and you're thinking, "Hey asshole, you just spoiled the whole movie for me." No I didn't. There's is absolutely nothing to spoil story wise for this turd of a film. For nearly two hours all I see is Brendan Fraser, a kid and a hot chick jumping over lava and fighting weird creatures. There's no story, there's no plot, there's no character development.
Man screw Brendan Fraser! I still don't get how this big lard bucket is able to get so many roles. And he keeps getting cast in the most ridiculous roles. Now, giveth I loved him in The Mummy and he was good in Crash but in here, they're expecting us yo believe this mumbling fool is a scientist. C'mon! Ain't nobody's ever going to think Brendan Fraser is even mentally capable enough to pass SPM. And God that guy just mumbles his lines throughout the whole goddamn show!
But there is this girl in the movie who's acting as some sort of tour guide for Brendan Fraser. Anita Briem, that's her name. She's one fine looking European lady and she almost look like a young version of Judi Dench. Really got nothing much else to say here, just let me look at her pics for awhile.
Daaaamn! I heard she's going to play Jane Seymour in The Tudors. Gheah! Some girl on girl fighting with the Boleyn's, I like it!
But as stupid as this movie is, in was in goddamn 3D and it was pretty impressive. All 3 actors were pretty much juts added props to the special effects in this film and from the get go of the first trailer, they just kept reminding us that this movie is all about the 3D and special effects. And in that area, I thought they rocked it. And because the movie moves so fast with lots of action, I found myself enjoying it somewhat of a bit.
Journey To The Centre of The Earth is one of those stupid blockbusters for kids. And if you do see it, see it in 3D.

RATING: 5/10

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