Sunday, January 4, 2009

Cicakman 2 Planet Hitam: Review

WTF man! I paid RM7 for this piece of shit? Hey KRU Studios, go to hell!!
This movie was terrible! And for whatever reason known to mankind, I still paid to watch it. ARGH! Why? Why do they do this to me?? This show reminded me of why I never watch Malaysian films.
So Cicakman 2- Black Planet is the follow up to "Malaysia's highest grossing film of all-time" Cicakman. It's about Cicakman's arch-nemesis Dr. Klon coming back to destroy all of Metrofulus. God even the setting's name had to be unoriginal. So Dr. Klon plans to turn all the Earth's water into black stuff in 72 hours (yeah, turning 80% of the planet's composition into black goo in 3 days sounds very convincing, especially since it's coming from a technology-ridden place like Malaysia) And with all the nuclear weapons US, Russia, North Korea etc. etc has, the only person the world turns to is a loser named Saiful Apek that eats flies. Catch my drift?
Calling this fuck up a comedy is an embarrassment to the genre. It's like a Malaysian version of Meet The Spartans. Every joke has to be introduced to the audience like they are too stupid to get the jokes without Cicakman telling them to laugh. Then again, this movie was intended for Malays.
And it's like every character had their balls pulled 1 cm from it's original position. There's this two guys called the Ginger Ghosts or something (which is a clear ripoff from the white Matrix guys) and all they do is scream at high pitched voices. Why? Because the writers have no other way of making the movie funny.
Oh shit did I say writers? Sorry sorry sorry. No freakin body wrote shit! There was no plot, no good dialogue, just shit! These guys had the nerve, they had the audacity! To put at the end of the credits "Ditulis oleh Yusry Abdul Halim." Hey, news flash you losers, there are thousands of aspiring filmmakers who could write a much better movie than you at half the price of your budget.
Oh what's the budget you ask? Try RM2.5 million. TWO MILLION RINGGIT! Smart, so our government puts us through months of high priced petrol, increases food prices, but still could find RM2.5 million to burn for this piece of shit. And guess what? The Cicakman suit alone costs RM50, 000. WTF?! That porn star rubber outfit costs more than my entire degree course!!
This whole film industry is a joke. Every bit of it is pathetic. Look at all the shit they've made. The last good movie to come out of this hell hole was Sepet and even then, the whole film industry condemned it. They have no idea what good movies are but they are too dumb to realize it under all that Datukship titles and money.
And one more thing. And I don't mean to be racist but why are there no non-Malay actors in this whole entire movie? Not even the extras in the background. Even the only Chinese character in the movie was played by a Malay. Wheres the multi-racial country our government keeps talking about? What kind of image are you trying to portray to foreign countries? That Malaysia consists of Malays only? Would it hurt that much to put in an Indian guy walking in the background? No all must be Malay
And I know what they say, "Oh, don't take this shit so seriously, not all movies have to be art, it can just be stuff people enjoy and laugh at," Then make me laugh you overrated sons of bitches! The only laughs I had in this movie was those kind of "I can't believe they passed this as a movie laugh."
You know how pedophiles aren't allowed to go near children? Well I want these motherfuckers get a restraining order against going anywhere near a video camera, visual photography camera, handycam, anything that can capture moving pictures. They should not make another film ever again!

RATING: 0/10


Anonymous said...

Hey asshole, the chinese character is played by a chinese.. her name is Louisa CHONG! Unless Chong is a malay name now.. Research first before condemning her

Anonymous said...

hey, only one chinese character and you asked the writer to do the research? Plus are you not agree 99% of the review of that film is true? honestly you guys should really appreciate for someon like the writer take his time off to write on this kind of shitty movie. really... why can't they even find a better name for the movie at the first place? cicakman? sounds like they have no choice after the west came out with batman, superman and spiderman decades ago. shame on you guys!

Anonymous said...

And the woman in black costume looked like Catwoman, or Black Widow (I don't know, Malaysians like to copy a lot)... Heh, people in this country just like bashing out better movies like Yasmin's movies for this type of craps... This is a truly disappointing fact...


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