Despicable Me: Review

Despicable Me! Or... 1 hour 30 minutes of despicable cuteness!

So, Despicable Me was made by the same team who did Horton Hears A Who! and it takes place in a world where super villain is a legal profession and centers on Gru, who at one time was the greatest super villain in the world but begins to lose out to a younger villain who looks like Bill Gates. So Gru decides to pull off the greatest heist in history by stealing the moon. But to do that he needs to break into his nemesis' fortress and steal a shrinking ray. So Gru adopts and enlists three orphan girls to help him do so but develops a strong father-daughter relationship with the girls.

This film seems like a really enjoyable one on paper but did not gel well at all when I was watching it. Despicable Me poorly handles the different sub-plots of the movie, which were fun to watch on their own rights but fail to connect together in overall perspective. Lack of focus on one particular storyline gives audience less of a chance to latch on to specific plot.

I don't think the movie knows what it wants to be about itself. Is it a heartwarming film between Gru and the girls in an all Grinch like fashion? Or is it an underdog flick of Gru trying to rise above his nemesis? Two perfectly good themes on their own but it really really didn't mix well. It was like watching two different movies played by the same actors.

And this film shouldn't have worked if it wasn't for the outstanding tongue-in-cheek comedy that was just so cute to watch. If I was to describe Despicable Me in one word, it would be cute. The film overlays itself on cuteness from the minute the reel starts rolling and there wasn't a moment in the cinema that I was not smiling. They didn't have jokes that were outlandishly funny but the film was consistently chuckle-worthy.

And amidst the poorly designed characters in the film. The two persona's that truly stands out in here was Gru and those yellow minions. Who knew one-eyed yellow balls would be so entertaining to watch. It's almost as if some fucked up scientist went back in time and cloned the Three Stooges but screwed up the cloning process and they all turned out to be little yellow balls. Those guys had me chuckling my guts out through the film. I predict these guys are gonna become McD Happy Meals, plush toys and bolsters for years to come.

And I gotta hand it to Steve Carell who plays Gru. What a fantastic job this guy did here. Gru is what I would describe as an odd crossover of Bela Lugosi and KHAAAAN! Carell's performance is so over the top, so outlandish, some what of a throwback to old school 90's cartoon villains that it was absolutely a joy to watch. Which proved to be a weakness for the father-daughter storyline of the film because we just can't buy Gru's character loving these girls cause he's just such a lovable jackass.

So what did I think of this movie? Well compared to How To Train Your Dragon and Toy Story 3, Despicable Me has a shit chance of making it into the Academy's nomination list. But it is pure good cinema fun.

RATING: 7/10

The Twilight Saga- Eclipse: Review

Hey guys, sorry bout not posting up more reviews lately. More acting stuff so.. Anyway.... Have you seen this piece of shit yet?

The third Twilight movie! Yay! So while I was away I've been hearing lots of surprisingly positive reviews about this movie. And I'm like, "Whaa?" People are fucking calling this the best film of the series and how it's so action packed and has higher production value. So I watched this film.... and while I do agree that yes this is the best of the three and highly entertaining at some parts, Twilight Saga: Eclipse is still one big pile o' dog shit.

So Eclipse is basically X2 directed by Friedberg and Seltzer. Victoria has created an army of newborn vampires to go after and kill Bella to avenge the death of her lover, which she has failed to do for the past 2 movies. This forces the Cullens and the Blacks to put aside their differences to protect Bella. And what does Bella do? Why act like a fucking slut of course!

Okay I'm going to go into the things I liked about Eclipse first. The film is directed by a fantastic indie filmmaker named David Slade who made Hard Candy and 30 Days of Night. This guy actually managed to make Eclipse somewhat bearable for the most part. He certainly took the film's focus more off the Bella/Edward/Jacob triangle and gave the other side characters a great deal of development.

The fact that we are getting the Cullens and Blacks side stories now is really a treat for the audience as it is a stab in the face to the previous two directors. This is already the third film and you are only choosing to put in character development NOW? And I love how Slade puts in little sublimate insults to the Twilight directors and fans, like Bella goes, "Wow.. I've known you for this long. How come you never told me that before?"

I thought the Cullen's flashback sequences were fantastic. It was almost like I was watching a different movie. A breath of fresh air for the audience who are just so sick of having to watch 3 of the boring-est shitface characters emo over each other. And who knew Jackson Rathbone could act? Kudos to you buddy. But you still fucked up The Last Airbender.

And now for the bad. Guys.. I've finally figured out why the Twilight series is so bad. Because the main character is that whore Bella Swan. I am officially crossing off Edward and Jacob off the chopping board. This Bella character is the sole reason why this series does not work. I can even stress to you how much I just want to punch that girl in the face. I mean, she is just a horrible, horrible person.

Throughout the whole film we see Jacob trying to court her and stuff and Bella goes, "Oh nooo, I love Edward. You're like.. my friend." And shoots him down continuously but toys with his feelings by cuddling up with him in front of her boyfriend amongst other fucked up shit. There's a scene, where Jacob finally gives up on Bella and goes,

Jacob: No that's it! I'm done! I'm over you. I don't wanna see you anymore."
And the Bella goes,
Bella: Kiss me.

What The FUCK! And you know what's more fucked up? She starts making out with him in front of the boyfriend and even has the balls to go back to Edward and say, "I love you more." Oh and another thing, Edward proposes to her with his mother's ring but she refuses to wear it because she's scared "Jacob might see it." Fuck you bitch! FUCK YOU!!

And I like how Slade recognizes that and immediately puts in a scene between Jacob and Edward where they genuinely have a brother-to-brother moment and they both go, "You know what? You're actually pretty cool. If it weren't for Bella, we could actually be good friends." Boo-Yah for brotherhood baby! Bella. On behalf of all the men in the world. Your a fucking whore. And you need to die.

So overall. Great salvaging from a director who genuinely does care about making a good film, better acting and special effects. But all efforts to save this franchise are futile so long Bella walks this earth.

RATING: 4/10

Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows Poster Released

Sooo check it out! Warner Bros has released the teaser poster for the two-part finale to the harry Potter franchise, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. And if I may say so myself... Hogwarts looks so awesomely cool burning to the ground like that.

I really gotta give WB and the people who made these two movies a lot of respect cause by the way their marketing this, they aren't trying to make the book into two movies to get more money, they're just splitting it into two parts. One being the fact that both movies have already been finished in production and are coming out within a 3 month period between each other.

Very smart Warner Bros. Suck it Breaking Dawn.

The Back Up Plan: Review

Sigh..... JLo's back to make another movie..... hooray.... But here's the shocking part. This movie wasn't terrible!! Hooray.....

So the movie is about Zoe, a woman who's been trying to have a baby through artificial insemination because she's sick of waiting for Mr. Right to come along. But on the day she finds out she's pregnant with twins, she finds the man of her dreams.

Bullshit plot I know. I walked in to this movie with expectations that I would witness Marmaduke all over again only with Jennifer Lopez's ass attached to the main character this time. And worst off was I saw this film with my mom. It's just one of those days where lots of shit just happens to you, you know? But then something amazing happened. The opening credits started rolling and I went, "Now that's interesting."

Now let me be clear that this was in fact not a terrible movie. But this still doesn't make it any good either. I'm just saying that it did much much much better than what I'd thought it would do. Mostly because in all seriousness, this was a mediocre funny movie. I actually found a few segments of this movie decently entertaining and a few moments where I did guiltily chuckle. And most of the credit has to be handed to Jennifer Lopez.

Wait.. What? Jennifer Lopez acted well? Uhhh.. No. But it was Jennifer Lopez doing what we always loved about JLo in the first place, being a very clumsy yet affable, cute and sweet character. Her performance was more caliber driven than talent. And it also helps that Alex O'Loughlin who plays her love interest also holds his own whenever he's with JLo and together they somehow managed to create a romantic twosome though illogical but was still genuinely charming and offbeat.

I really gotta give the director Alan Poul credit. He took what very very limited bullshit material he had in the script and made the best of it. There is scene in this movie where a woman goes into labor and I liked how he turned something that was supposed to be beautiful and made an exorcism-type scene out of it. We got this pregnant chick in a plastic swimming pool screaming like Emily Rose as other fat chicks chant and burn joysticks while Jennifer Lopez does a Lindsay Lohan getting a 3 month jail sentence. Bullshit? Yes. Funny? Uh.... yeah fine.

Now this is where all my positive points for this movie end. Because even though it does have a little humor and an okay performance by the two leads, there is still absolutely no reason why this film should be made. The whole plot of Back-Up Plan is set on extremely unrealistic, women porn grounds. Guys, let me ask you a question. If you've been dating this chick for about a week and she's really nice and all, but then she told you she was 2 months pregnant with twins. Would you stay with her? HELL NO! But this dude, he comes up and tell this girl he barely knows, "I love you... we can make this work." No wonder the whole world thinks Americans are stupid.

Evidently in the end, The Back-Up Plan is just any other fantasy chick flick that makes no sense and presents no viable reason for any male without a female partner or a movie lover or a person with the logic higher than a sea plankton  to see this film. But I can say this, of all the romantic comedies that have raped my mind this year, The Back-Up Plan is the best so far.

Still a piece of shit though.

RATING: 4/10